Sex Parties: Everything You Wanted to Know But Were Afraid to Ask, Says the Girl Who Hosted Them

Sex blogger Yana Sangria told VOICE about it, and at the same time she dispelled the main myths about such meetings.

“Is it necessary to have sex?” – the most common question I hear from friends, talking about my upcoming eventful weekend. The sex party industry is now on the rise and is gradually moving from the category of “perverse orgies” to that of “unusual leisure”.

I came into the sex-positive crowd relatively early – at the age of 19. It all started with an erotic rock party. I was thrilled and excited – especially emotionally. In the morning, I firmly decided: I want to work with these cool guys! And three months later she stood naked, portraying Margarita at a party in the style of Bulgakov’s Satan’s Ball. Now that I’m 25, I’ve taken part in many sex parties and similar events: somewhere I was in the organizing team, somewhere I played with numbers, but even more – I enjoyed the company of beautiful, liberated and conscious people.

When I say “handsome,” I’m not talking about conventionally attractive people: burly men and women with a 90-60-90 figure. We are talking about inner beauty and creative images, chosen for the theme of each party with great care and attention to detail. And the guests are completely different: both twenty and forty, thin and plump. Almost all parties have a dress code and face check, but they’re not about weeding out the “ugly” ones, but about matching clothing and makeup to the party theme and checking for suitability. The first is necessary for immersion in the atmosphere and the second for safety.

No, you can just come and watch. You can flirt and kiss. Even if you wanted to have sex, but you change your mind, no one will force you to have it. All parties have a strict rule: “no” means “no”, “yes” means “yes”. If the person says no, their partner(s) should stop all activities immediately (even if you are both already pantyless). And to start them, you need to hear a clear and unambiguous “yes” – this is called the rule of active consent. By the way, about the rules. Here is what is prohibited in all sex parties:

The security service vigilantly monitors compliance with the rules. And usually this is a separate team, and not the SB of the site itself, where the party is taking place.

Perversion is a deviation from the norm. What is a standard and who determines it? What kind of sex is considered normal and what isn’t? And do we really have the right to dictate our subjective standard to others, to produce complexes and prevent people from having fun?

I would focus not on the norm, but on safety: if sexual intercourse takes place between adults on the basis of active consent and respect for the other, and that the sexual practices are not harmful to health, that could go wrong? The same opinion is shared by the organizers and guests of sex parties. In addition, masters of sensual and BDSM practices often attend events: shibari, spanking, waxing, squirt, etc. Everyone decides for themselves what they want to try today, and what they are not ready for yet.

Only if you have unprotected sex. Most events do not ask for certificates from participants, but provide all the consumables necessary for safety: condoms, lubricants, antiseptics, sheets and latex gloves.

It seems that someone recently watched the famous movie “Eyes Wide Shut” or the sensational Russian TV series “Happy End”. Of course, there are parties in luxurious interiors, but this is rather an exception. Most of the events I’ve been to have been in clubs. While I’ve also experienced well-furnished cottage parties (for example, a friend of mine recently had a Great Gatsby-themed one), the interior is there for the ambiance, not itself.

Well, masks are generally not worn at parties unless they are playing Venetian carnival. However, if you do not want to show your face, you can use a mask if it does not contradict the declared dress code.

When it comes to orgies, in my experience, the vast majority of sexual interactions at sex parties are couple and threesome sex and practice. Additionally, the sex scenes at many parties are isolated from other spaces. Often sex can be done either in separate rooms (which are not closed at the same time, and other people can go there), or in a dark room – a special area for intimate interactions. Other areas may include a dance floor, bar, cuddly cushions, and areas for shibari, massage, and other practices.

People are very different: a lot of IT people, representatives of creative professions, as well as ordinary office workers who are tired of routine. When it comes to gender composition, there are usually more males, but recently many organizers have been trying to achieve gender balance. The average age of the guests is hard to name, as there are no statistics, but I guess it is 25-35.

It is important to note that the average age depends on the type of event. For example, classic swing parties have more age range, and events with a techno dance floor and a bunch of new practices like sensorium or nail standing are popular with young people. There is also a separate category of BDSM parties – these are not events about sex, but about BDSM practices. Often you can also have sex there, but not many people do.

There are many reasons: to add sparks to a relationship or to make new acquaintances, but most often – to have a sensory experience. It can be the most diverse: four-handed caresses, public sex, flight in ropes, pleasant pain from a spanking, or even just feeling an atmosphere of collective pleasure, enveloping from head to toe in a meditative whole .

For the journey into the world of sex positive to be enjoyable, it is important to choose the right event. During my six years in the party, I have become very good at distinguishing decent parties from vulgar and dangerous parties. Friends often asked me if it was worth going to a particular party, and I gave my opinion after looking at its poster and its website/TG channel. In most cases, this action is enough not to waste money and time. Here are the signs of a bad party:

How do you know if a party is good?

If you’re planning on going to a sex party, you first need to decide what you want out of it. If you’re a beginner and plan to “just watch,” you don’t have to pick an overpriced party with 10 practices. Also, some may be scared off by what happens at BDSM events that focus on experienced subjects.

You can start your acquaintance with the sex-positive world not only with a party, but also, for example, with a one-day kinky festival with lectures and a market, and then attend parties with music, practices and dances. other conditions that suit you, gradually studying yourself and your desires, increasing your awareness and developing your sexuality.