Not a reason to meet: the joys and sorrows of noncommittal sex

One day my young friend, exhausted from a difficult relationship, complained to his older friend about life. He listened and said:

“Do you want me to give you five hundred dollars, go to the club and find a girl there?”

– Why, I’m fine with sex, I have a relationship problem.

“Just imagine: you spend an interesting evening and a long hot night with a beautiful, well-groomed girl, and in the morning she takes a taxi and just leaves!”

And I saw how my friend’s eyes lit up, and not at all in the words “hot night”.

Not only men, but also women are attracted to sex without obligation, unpaid, of course, but by mutual agreement. Physical privacy, cleared of all claims, expectations and liabilities other than health and safety.

There is an opinion that girls do not want this, they are obsessed with relationships and like to know about it. But no, many of them are just as fed up with complex men, their ambitions, their whims and their fussiness. And they also “just” want – a warm night, a taxi, freedom.

Finding a permanent handsome man who is willing to visit once in a while and then disappear until the next time isn’t that hard, so what’s the problem? What problems await us on this easy and pleasant path?

Most often, such connections are made, bearing in mind that ordinary relationships will also appear one day – there will be love, family and spiritual intimacy. A until a suitable person is found, that there is an option only for the body.

But the problem is that when you’re satisfied, the search activity is blunted. Hormones signal that everything is in order with sex, you can be distracted and do more urgent tasks. It is clear that very passionate natures may not stop at just one partner, but let’s be honest – most of us are too busy to look for someone else when the “job is closed” and the box is checked. If unexpected love falls on your head – excellent, but for some reason it does not fall, and it becomes too lazy to watch.

Another problem is the lack of reliability. You don’t owe each other anything, the beauty of your relationship is spontaneity, which is why it’s hard for you to plan meetings and negotiate. They appeared on the horizon, had a good time and ran away – the partner seems to be there, but at any time he can disappear for good, for example, falling in love with someone or just calming down. You’re not close, so you don’t know what’s going on in his head and his soul, so you don’t understand anything even in the near future. And if you are used to ordering your life, it can be difficult, if not in an emotional sense, but in a purely technical sense.

And it’s also quite difficult to be with a partner who is not in the first place. In ordinary relationships, we’re not always the only light in the window, and even without obligations, we’re off somewhere in the second half of the list. And we move ourselves – first job, parents and children, friends, hobbies, some more promising acquaintances, everyday chores. And this mutual insignificance is rather embarrassing and distressing. No matter what we agree on, you want some kind of exclusivity, a special place in the lives of the people you associate with, but that won’t exist.

This non-exclusivity often leads to neglect in various ways. In the same security – of course, you take care of all possible protections, but there will never be a guarantee that your free man will not bring a surprise from another vagina, and it will certainly not be flowers.

But the biggest risk is emotional. Of course, you honestly weren’t going to fall in love, the whole point of this story is not to get attached and not depend on each other in any way. But did you seriously expect that physical intimacy, the joint experience of passion, your own pleasure and that of someone else would not bind you in any way? Not to mention the fact that you keep talking, discussing events, thoughts and feelings, a kind of friendship develops, because you have been interested in each other from the very beginning, otherwise you will not would not be found in the same bed. Relationships are still born, albeit limited, and short-lived tenderness and intimacy imperceptibly turn into permanent feelings. Not always, but it happens quite often.

And in such stories, whoever falls in love always loses. The contract was about something else, you can try to review the terms, but it still works. Most likely, the one who is not in love will decide that the ideal partner has deteriorated, will carry the next one. And if you keep your feelings quiet, you’ll just end up in an unrequited romantic relationship that doesn’t end in anything happy.

Others are lucky, the partner is also ready to change the format, then another story begins. Probably a good one too. But try to remember why you didn’t want anything permanent with this person at first. Why wasn’t he a good candidate for a serious relationship? It is unlikely that this has changed drastically. But it is worth trying, because every love is unique and develops according to its own rules, maybe yours will have such a difficult but happy path.