Should you stay in a relationship if you understand that a man has not yet “grown up” with them?

Typically, it takes a year or less to begin to see clearly whether your partner can be with you seriously and for a long time. Psychologists like to repeat that a woman needs only three things from a man: care, protection and provision. Modern “values” and their proponents may be outraged, but in the basis of the natural order of things, that is so. All of these questions can be “closed” by a man who has reached emotional maturity, but what exactly is behind this popular psychological term? Let’s start with the “expectations” of women.

Before accepting responsibility, a man’s whole life is but preparation. Entering a relationship with a woman, an emotionally mature man realizes that he is now responsible for you. This does not mean that now you can go bungee jumping without insurance or do everything forgetting to take your phone with you. It means that someone else appears in his life next to him. He meets you and accompanies you to the airport (or organizes a departure or a meeting), he needs to know if you have returned home safely if he is not there. Is your fridge full, is there money on your card and are you wearing warm clothes?

It will never go away if you get sick or find yourself in a difficult situation. The enthusiastic boys who are ready to be with a woman when she is healthy and prosperous quickly disappear as soon as an unpleasant illness, a move or help looms on the horizon, when, for example, you have had a accident. An emotionally immature woman will be upset when in such situations relations with her are “breaks”, and an emotionally mature woman will say “thank you” for revealing the “true face” of the “man”, on whom they had high hopes for a common future.

Another red flag is your unplanned or planned pregnancy. Couples in love in the first months of their relationship, splashing with hormonal waves, promise each other everything and even more, but when two stripes show themselves, the curtain suddenly falls, knocking immature dreamers painfully over the head. It suddenly turns out that he meant “not now”, that “he still has to prepare himself financially” or that “the father instinct has not yet awakened in him”. It is not necessary to blackmail with this story, hoping for a strong “emotional maturation” of your partner, because this happens not only regularly in a man’s life, but, as a rule, for many after forty years. If, after hearing this news, a man begins to make plans and talk about what he needs to change in his life to fit this news into it – congratulations, your partner is emotionally mature. But don’t forget to check it for other indicators.

Make sure and carefully observe the type of relationship your chosen one has with his parents. How he behaves in their presence, if the usual tone of his voice, behavior, manifestation changes. If your man hasn’t separated – until the end of your relationship with him (and here we are not joking) – you will fight for his attention with his mother and, of course, you will lose, because she does not not only gave birth to him, and therefore he is hers by right, but also because she “means no harm” and knows who will suit her and who will not. Therefore, you are definitely not suitable for him, and it will be better for you to understand this faster than to leave the fertile age.

An emotionally mature man will never accept a relationship without obligations: by fulfilling the duties within your couple and being responsible for his wife and children, these men feel no less satisfaction than good sex. They literally manifest themselves in the world as men, precisely through these functions. By making a man understand that you do not allow him to make decisions and their consequences, you morally deprive him of his manhood and humiliate in him the best that is inherent in nature and has not yet been destroyed by morals modern.

A man who is ready for a serious relationship trusts you, your choice of friends, your career, and even your political views. He respects you for the person he is. He is happy and proud to deserve such an emotionally mature woman: strong, but not dominant, wise, but not boring, easygoing, but reliable. The one who will support his decisions (even if she was the author herself) and will share his emotions and feelings with him if he wants to share them (this is also the highest degree of trust).

But, only an emotionally mature woman is capable of behaving this way, and to become her, you have to do your homework on yourself. The psychologists of the TETA project are experienced and professional: they will be happy to accompany you at any stage of this difficult, but most exciting journey.

Based on materials from Daria German, TETA Project Psychologist