Breaking Place: What a Feud Looks Like Through the Eyes of a Man

You argued – and went to the bathroom to cry. And he turned on the TV and watched football. Do you think men argue with a woman or is he insensitive and doesn’t care? In fact, men worry more about relationship issues than women. They just do it their way.

American researchers have suggested what explains the behavior of a man after an argument. The main reason for the emotional upheaval of men after a breakup is that the partner suddenly turns out to be the only person with whom they communicate so closely.

That is, no matter how good his relationship with his mother and friend, he can fully open his soul only to you. And unlike him, you’re close and upfront with your friends, parents, and dentist. “It is easier for a woman to satisfy her need for confidential communication. Most men do this with difficulty – they are driven by fear of intimacy, and openness is mistakenly perceived as a weakness, ”says psychologist Alexander Kuznetsov. Therefore, a man finds it more difficult to quarrel.

Our loved ones can be frank and sincere and at the same time not feel like rags only with us, because for them, so to speak, we are the weaker sex. In addition, by communication, men do not hear long conversations and shocking confessions at all. They need more support, trust and quiet understanding. If you pay attention to how men behave after an argument, you’ll notice that they are visibly lost.

In the study of sociologists, there is a small but important clarification: men live more strongly quarrels and problems in a couple, and at the same time, they support a breakup more easily. But, according to the observations of transactional analyst Elena Lazarenko, parting is not easy for them, because usually they do not even know what emotional value the relationship has. “In my experience, men are more likely than women to seek psychological help when an affair is over. In addition, in our country they still consult a psychotherapist much less often, ”she says.

According to the psychotherapist, this happens because men sincerely believe for a long time that the relationship is first of all necessary for the partner, and therefore she must take care of them. But when a breakup happens, the behavior of a man after an argument kicks in: for them, the feeling of emptiness they begin to experience is a big surprise. Women, on the contrary, are well aware of the value of relationships and even exaggerate it.

“Men often come to me with such a confession: ‘I’ve fought in hot spots, I’ve traveled all over the world. I have a thriving business. I’m not afraid of anything or anyone. “I thought that we were going to break up and everything would end. And now I can’t sleep without her, I can’t eat! ”- says Elena Lazarenko. – That is, a person who is unaware and does not recognize not his emotional needs therefore becomes dependent on relationships in which these needs are at least partially satisfied.Very often such behavior of a man after a quarrel is characteristic of Don Juan, constantly changing wives, not allowing any emotional intimacy with anyone and denying the necessity.

If we are forbidden to share our problems, we will naturally care more about them. And men almost do not know how to speak frankly about their feelings – and it is not so easy to understand whether men have quarrels. At least they don’t talk about feelings as well as we do.

In one of the Sex and the City episodes, Steve explains to Carrie how Aidan fought and broke up with her: “He didn’t get off the couch for a month, and I I brought broth and chicken wings.” “Did he say he was in pain?” “No, guys don’t talk about stuff like that. We eat wings in silence! »

And we talk. Many and for a long time. We chat with friends about his flaws and his own mistakes. It is easier for us to talk about relationships and therefore receive support and release stress. “If a woman tells her friends that she broke up or had a fight with her partner, they will at least listen and ask her questions. If a man shares family problems with his friends, he is unlikely to receive support, says Elena Lazarenko. How does a man handle a fight? Friends will suggest you go to a club or have a drink. Therefore, most men do not talk about their feelings – they are sure in advance that empathy will not wait. Moreover, they want at all costs to remain in the role of strong superheroes, not needing sympathy.

Do men fight with women? Of course, because the conflicts in the couple harm his self-esteem.

We can still cry. Even on people. And it is also an excellent anti-stress. How does a man handle an argument with a woman? He accumulates experiences within himself. “Sometimes I just envy my girlfriend. She will smash a few plates against the wall, cry, and now she is ready to put up with it,” admits Eugene (27). – And I cannot throw dishes or destroy furniture, because I am stronger, such actions will look like aggression. She’s just scared. That’s probably why it always takes me a lot longer than my girlfriend to recover from another conflict.

How do men behave after an argument? One will try to relieve emotional tension in the gym, the other will drown in alcohol, and the third will watch TV and wait for it to pass on its own. “Boys learn from childhood: never cry, you are a man of the future,” says Elena Lazarenko. – Showing tenderness, fear, sadness, vulnerability for many of them is impossible.

And therefore, feelings that are difficult to express, men usually replace them with more familiar and safe feelings – anger or aggression. But often the behavior of a man after a quarrel is even more restrained – he does not openly express his feelings at all and leaves emotions buried deep within him. As a result, it can lead to psychosomatic illnesses, depressions and panic attacks.

“With my first wife, we often argued. Every day there were reasons: who would go for a walk with the dog in the morning, who broke the electric kettle and which one to choose a new one, what to do on the weekend? Our opinions literally differed on everything, – says Anton (32 years old). At first I thought: it’s all because we have very little in common. But later I realized that I was literally killed by the fact that I was not an authority for her. Even when choosing a teapot. How do men survive an argument with a beloved woman? Conflicts in a couple greatly harm a man’s self-esteem. Of course, it is also unpleasant for us that our opinion is not listened to or (the worst!) is compared to that of others.

But for a loved one, conflicts and troubles mean his complete failure in the love sphere. This is why it is superfluous to ask whether men recover from an argument with a woman. “And it’s not easy for someone who is used to seeing themselves as a winner to survive failure,” says Alexander Kuznetsov. – For a man, failure in an important business is for him a much more serious blow to self-esteem than for a woman. The concepts of “victory” and “defeat” are much more emotionally colored for him. This is why men experience a breakup in a much more acute and longer way.

It turns out that the stronger sex is stronger than us in everything, including feelings. Men experience a quarrel more painfully, but they will never admit it.

The Aries man gets hot easily and gets cold quickly. It must be endured in time so that the phase of indifference does not begin.

Taurus will last a long time without entering into open conflict, but if this happens, you will not get the first step towards reconciliation from him – this man goes through a quarrel like a flint, the initiative should be yours.

Male twins fight, acting like nothing happened after saying a lot of hurtful things – but they really don’t remember the hurt. This behavior is easier to manage.

There are legends about the resentment of Cancer men, and you can be sure that he does not worry less because of a quarrel. Show him that you are also very, very sad and he will turn his anger into mercy.

The Leo man cuts the backhand, lets off steam, and is ready to move on. The tense silence does not concern them.

How does a Virgo man survive a fight? He thinks seriously about the situation and discovers the truth. The establishment will come quickly: he does not like conflicts.

Arguing with Libra is difficult, but if this happens, the man will not survive the quarrel and plunge into the situation, preferring to leave the past in the past. He will approach easily.

A Scorpio man is touchy, vengeful and does not forgive weaknesses, but does not know quarrels, but delights in them – this is how he achieves emotional release. As you have understood, it is better not to argue with him initially.

A Sagittarius man will hold his ground until the end, and when he gets into a quarrel, he will cycle through his head with the arguments in his favor. Agree with him, and the world is not far off.

A Capricorn man closes tightly at the time of a quarrel and it is impossible to talk to him. it is better to do a joint business, then it will thaw.

Aquarius is patient, but at the same time, any little thing can become a trigger. It is unrealistic to understand how this man experiences a quarrel. To make peace, show that you are on his side.

Male fish are very worried about a quarrel, they are hurt by any trifle. Tenderness and sympathy will help to reconcile.

Text: Ekaterina Babkova
Photo: Photo Bank (1)