More than bacchanal: Trisais faces prejudice amidst the prohibition of the polyaffective union

The non-monogamous relationship format generates curiosity, but is also the subject of criticism and aggression; The trisai were once called “the devil’s thing”

“Do you sleep in the same bed? relation It’s open? or sex Is it always a threesome? ” Instagram (@nossatriyade) on the topic.

“The champion, without a doubt, is whether we sleep in the same bed, but we also get questions about jealousy and reports of people wanting to migrate to something non-monogamous,” comments Isa.

This story began when Iris and Isa met at a friend’s bachelor party. They soon fell in love and decided to live this love story.

At that time, Isa was already dating Igor, just like Iris was dating another guy. And what would have been a problem for many people was something common for couples, who were already working on the subject of polygamy within the relationship.

The quartet began in 2019 and ended a few months later when Iris and her boyfriend broke up. From there, the relationship became a trisale in an equilateral triangle, that is, with all the parts related to each other.

“I didn’t feel part”

As the parties were already working on the issue of free love before they joined, jealousy was the least of their problems when the quartet became trios. According to Íris, the biggest challenge was the feeling of belonging, because Isa and Igor were already in a relationship ten years before their arrival, which involved a series of emotional loads and insecurities.

“I think the fact that I connected with Isa first and didn’t connect with the couple in advance made the process difficult. I was afraid. Belonging was my challenge, I needed to feel part of it and even though we liked it. a lot, in everyday life this weight came from the couple, this pressure, but it was quickly diluted, “says Íris.

At the start of the pandemic, Isa and Igor invited Íris to live with them. In this “intensive“, based on respect and transparency, Trisal has had to deal with many sentimental gaps. Igor even says that the issues he thought had been resolved have come back to the surface.

Jealousy is an example of this. Previously considered extinct, it did not turn out to be as resolved as previously thought.

“I had to fix it, but I feel it in this format [trisal] we have a wider support network to dialogue and deal with situations, “he admits.

“I matched on Tinder with a couple”

The case of Diego Gonçalves, Karina Matos and Sanny Rodrigues, who stand behind the profile @amordetrisale, it’s a little different. Diego and Sanny were married and were already talking about free love. After months of maturing and chatting, they decided to venture into a trio – modality in which three people participate in the sexual act.

From experience, they noticed that they didn’t just want sex. But the arrival of Miguel, the couple’s son, put off the search for a new affective member, which took place only three years later.

“We created a profile on Tinder and started hunting. I am bisexual and Diego is straight, so we’re looking for a woman, “Sanny says.

On this trip they met Karina, who, until then, had never been involved with women, nor is she in a non-monogamous relationship. Despite this, the three described the alchemy of their first meeting as “surreal”.

The idea of ​​sharing the same house came after the three spent a whole weekend together. Jealousy, once again, has become a challenge to be overcome within the relationship.

“They thought it was p … and party”

In addition to the challenges inherent in relationship format and discovering her own sexuality, Karina also had to deal with the family element. Her relatives did not welcome her her bisexuality, much less the fact that she was a member of a trisale. According to him, this is still a wound and she may not heal soon.

Sanny faced similar problems, but ran into an even more negative judgment: the sexualization of the trisal.

“At first everyone thought it was a complaint, a party and we were crazy,” he reveals.

Even Íris and Isa, from their relationship with Igor, have experienced similar situations. The separation from the family has contributed to a better relationship, but, even so, it is far from what was expected.

“They say we are used by the devil”

On the internet, between curiosity and requests for help, whether it’s dealing with jealousy or knowing how to insert someone into the relationship, both relationships deal with machismo in its harshest form.

“They say that we are used by the ‘devil’, that we are bewitched, that the ‘devil’ it is working in our lives, “Sanny says.” They say we don’t have God in our hearts, that we are communists and we will go to hell, “adds Isa.

The Trisai attribute all the prejudices they suffer to the patriarchy. Igor and Diego, for example, cis men of every relationship, are not as criticized as women. For them, even being in a trial wasn’t even a problem.

Igor says he has become a laughing stock in his work environment. Upon learning that he had two loved ones, his colleagues made sexist and sexualized jokes, which frustrated him for not being able to react the way he wanted. After much thought, he started reacting, “I was like, ‘You don’t seem to be out of fifth grade.”

More than a “weekend bacchanal”

To prove that a three-way relationship It’s more than sex, Diego, Karina and Sanny also had a ceremony in 2021. The intention, according to them, was to make family and close friends understand that the relationship was about a commitment, not a “cool weekend” .

The ceremony itself, despite the beauty and love involved, took place informally. This is because poly-affective marriage has not been allowed in Brazil since 2018. This style of relationship can also involve several legal problems.

Before, families made up of three or more people were entitled to notarial recognition. The procedure was simple, they went to the agency and asked for a public deed to be drawn up. However, in 2018, the National Council of Justice vetoed the enactment of these drafts, as they had the effect of a stable union, that is, they amounted to marriage.

For Brazilian justice to exist was contradictory stable union polyaffective, since the Federal Constitution stipulates that, to have marital bond, it is necessary to preserve the principle of monogamy and the duty of mutual fidelity between spouses. The ban on bigamy is another crux of the Constitution that questions the possibility of someone being married to multiple people.

In practice, notaries can no longer do this type of deed. However, according to Laísa Schiefler, a lawyer specializing in family law, nothing prevents those involved in non-monogamous relationships from asking the judiciary to recognize their relationship.

According to the lawyer, this reality could change only if a Proposed Amendment to the Constitution (PEC) were approved in the Chamber and the Senate. Until then, Laisa Schiefler advises non-monogamous people to plan their succession, so that all partners are insured in the event of death.

“They can buy pensions, life insurance and place their spouses as beneficiaries. There are ways to ensure comfort, at least until that reality changes,” he adds.

There is no formula, self-knowledge is the key

The sexologist and psychoanalyst Virginia Gaia leads the open dialogue with a “golden rule” in trisale. According to her, it is important that each party knows each other and, above all, does not necessarily enter into this type of relationship.

Determined to live this experience, the person, as in any other relationship, must make agreements on what he can and cannot. It’s important to take partners into consideration, but also not to unsubscribe in the process.

In living together, jealousy will manifest itself, but the most important thing is to deal with it. Sanny and Íris, for example, feel like something resolved in their respective relationships, but this took a lot of conversation and understanding.

In the midst of feelings and insecurities, it is also necessary to have patience.

“If at the same time your support network grows and your sex life becomes more diverse, depending on the relationship formation you have, the more conversations you have, the more people you have to manage,” Virginia points out.

Source: Terra

Benjamin

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