3 Things That Make Sex Amazing…Awful: Expert Opinion

Let’s make a reservation right now: if a lover refuses to put on a condom, behaves aggressively, or ignores your pleas not to do something, then the only way to change everything for the better is to never see them again.

However, if you’re just frustrated or haven’t had a sexual spark between you, it might be worth trying again. Here’s what psychotherapist and sex therapist Chamin Ajan says you both need to do.

When you feel like spending the night with someone, there’s nothing wrong with fantasizing about how it’s going to turn out. However, the reason for failure is very often exaggerated expectations: despite all our love for the Bridgertons, we can’t help but notice that the first sexual intercourse is rarely so hot and delicious – far more often we are nervous and embarrassed.

Chamin advises not to remember how your relationship has changed with previous partners and not to delve into your fantasies, but to stay “in the moment” – focus on your feelings and tactile sensations. “A conscious approach will help you enjoy and transform sex into an incredible and unforgettable sensory experience,” explains the sex therapist.

“Bad sex is often the result of miscommunication,” says Ajahn. “Talking about sex isn’t easy – we’re often afraid of hurting our partner’s feelings or afraid to stand up for our preferences and desires.” However, according to her, reluctance to talk before sex, and even more so afterwards, harms both of you and minimizes the chances of real pleasure.

For those who are not ready to criticize their lover, Chamin advises to focus on praise – to say what you liked and what you would like. You can also use non-verbal methods – for example, move the man’s hand to where you think it belongs. In addition, the sex therapist advises not to forget that sex is a two-way traffic and that both partners must be interested in the desires of the other.

Read also: Sexual errors: the most frequent mutual complaints of men and women

According to Ajahn, worrying too much about the impression one will make on a partner is the best way to spoil the mood. She advises creating a fun and playful atmosphere when you’re still dressed – then she’ll help you more than once or twice in bed.