Case of Ivete Sangalo: don’t keep silent about the silent pain of children

Case Ivete Sangalo has moved mothers all over Brazil and has an important lesson: don’t shut up

During her participation in the Mother’s Day special of the videocast Mil and Uma Tretas last week, singer Ivete Sangalo shared a painful experience she had when she heard a heartfelt statement from her eldest son when she was eight years old. At the time, Ivete was emotionally fragile with the puerperium, which is a physically and emotionally demanding time for her mothers.

She recalled the moment: “One day, he said to me, ‘Mom, I wanted to tell you something.’ I had just given birth and I was still recovering from the stitches and everything… And he said, ‘I love my father more than you “. I said, “I understand, son. It’s all right.” I was trying to be one of those super understanding mothers who read motherhood books, you know?”

However, Ivete also related the pain that statement caused her and mentioned the guidance she received from her therapist, who told her, “Don’t let your child tell you this. , no!”

Freedom of expression to what extent?

Following the Parent Education and Positive Discipline approach, it is wonderful when a child has the freedom to express their feelings to their parents, as this demonstrates a connection, security and trust in the relationship.

Marcelo, Ivete’s son, sought out his mother to share his feelings, with no intention of hurting her, something many people don’t understand because they don’t understand the stages of child’s brain development.

This child was also going through a moment of vulnerability due to the arrival of the nuns. Certainly his routine with his mother had changed, and the expression “I like dad more than you” reflected the lack that his mother was missing at that moment, while his father became his greatest support and companion because of the newborns .

The idea of ​​repressing or asking a child to keep his feelings to himself and not to express them to parents or other adults is like taking off his wings, which we ourselves help to cultivate. Therefore, it is extremely important for parents to have emotional balance when raising their children.

How adults deal with the situation

As adults in the relationship, it is up to us to deal with the emotions that children’s words arouse in us, as these emotions can reflect our own childhood traumas, such as rejection or abandonment in the past. What could be done instead of preventing the child from expressing her feelings, as the therapist suggested?

In the integrative approach of Parental Education, mother and child could have been understood and welcomed in their needs, being looked at in an integral way. Ivete’s grief could have been a time to talk to her son about her needs that weren’t being met by her.

They could have talked about the arrival of the sisters, how much the change in family routine was wearing her down too, how much she missed the moments alone with her son and the activities they enjoyed together.

Thus, both Ivete would have understood the context behind his son’s words, and Marcelo would have satisfied his reception needs, his feelings validated and the certainty that his mother’s love and attention would not be affected by the arrival of the mothers. his sisters.

Avoid acting impulsively

Impulsive acting, motivated by fear and a feeling of rejection, as suggested by her therapist, led the mother to act irrationally, based on limiting beliefs and with an accusing look, instead of responding to a request for help from a wounded child who has difficulty coping with changes and the absence of the mother’s presence.

For this reason, we always emphasize the importance of parents, especially mothers, being emotionally capable of dealing with the demands that come with motherhood and that will continue to appear throughout their children’s lives. Self-care, self-knowledge and self-control are powerful tools in education and need to be cultivated.

Even so, there will be difficult times when we don’t have all the answers, times when we are hurt by certain attitudes, but through our conscience we can breathe and search within ourselves for answers to the challenges of motherhood.

Natalia di Paola

is a clinical psychoanalyst and parental educator specializing in emotional family therapy and integrative childhood sleep therapy. She is co-founder and director of the Lumina Instituto Educacional.

Source: Terra

Ben

Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.