Lottie Tomlinson broke down in tears on Monday as she revealed her One Direction singer brother Louis became a father figure following their mother's death.
The 28-year-old influencer and mother of two appeared on the Feel Good Formula podcast hosted by Zara McDermott, opening up about the emotional toll of raising young children without her mother around to offer advice.
Tomlinson was only 18 when her mother, Johannah Deakin, died from leukaemia in 2016. The family suffered further tragedy three years later in 2019, when her younger sister, Félicité Tomlinson, died at the age of 18 from an accidental drug overdose.
Speaking on the podcast, Tomlinson became visibly emotional as she spoke about the reality of family life without her mother. "It's really hard having your own kids without your mum," she said. "Not gonna get upset. Literally said to myself, 'Don't cry'."
Tomlinson explained that she and her sisters have relied on each other for support since their bereavement. "I think my sisters have been a big one, we've all sort of come together and tried to look after each other and it makes me feel closer to her in a way because obviously I know how much being a mum meant to her," she said.
She credited her mother's example for their family dynamic, adding: "And it means so much to us, I think, because of how she brought us up with being so maternal and I think that's why we all are how we are because of her but yeah, it's hard."
Coping with family grief
During their conversation, McDermott asked Tomlinson how she manages the pressure of supporting everyone around her while carrying her own grief.
"You're sort of bottom of the pile," Tomlinson replied. "That's how it sort of feels, I think that's why I just broke down then, because I'm trying my best just to be strong, hold it together all the time."
She explained that confronting those feelings often causes suppressed emotions to surface. "And then when someone actually says it, I'm like, 'Actually, it is really hard'. And, like, because I'm so grateful for the life I've got and that's what sort of got me through everything, is having that mindset. I think you then sort of don't let yourself sometimes even feel sorry for yourself in that way, and then obviously in them moments because I've held it all in, I've then fallen apart."
Tomlinson also shared how she used to experience guilt whenever she felt happy while mourning her family members.
"I think that was a big thing when I was grieving, that I would feel so guilty if I had a day where I felt happy and ok, and then when I was feeling really low, I'd then look back and just wish I'd embraced that one day where I felt ok," she said. "So looking back, it would've been nice for me to be more gentler in them times, and just, ride the waves. That's the thing. You've just gotta ride the wave and try and make the best of it and embrace everything."
Tomlinson reflected on how hard it must have been for Deakin to raise seven children, comparing it to her own experience with two. "She was just such a dedicated mum," Tomlinson said. "She was just such a full-time mum to all these kids. Don't forget how many. I mean of course, doing it with two is hard. I'm like trying to think, can I manage a third? She had seven. So yeah, I don't know how she did it, but she was just such a full-time mum, so I think that stuff did take a backseat for her."
Tomlinson has two children with her fiancé Lewis Burton: four-year-old son Lucky and 22-month-old daughter Flossie.
Life on tour with One Direction
Tomlinson also remembered how her mother encouraged her earliest creative interests, explaining that looking through Deakin's makeup bag and having her makeup done sparked her love and passion for makeup and beauty.
When Tomlinson was 15, her mother arranged for her to join One Direction on tour to gain professional work experience from the boyband's hair stylist Lou Teasdale.
Deakin put the teenager on a flight to New York to link up with the chart-topping group, which led to Louis stepping up to protect and guide his younger sister.
"I appreciate now that he even let me come on the tour," Tomlinson said. "But I think it was probably more my mum, where he was like, 'I can't say no to my mum'. But it was actually really nice in the end because he sort of stepped into a real fatherly role on that tour, and he didn't let me get away with anything."
She continued: "Like, if I put a foot wrong, he would tell me, and I appreciate that now, maybe not at the time but he basically brought me up over those few years 'cause he was the only family I had with me. I think it gave us a really strong bond that you sort of can't explain because we went through that together."
Support and family life
Tomlinson said the experience created a reciprocal dynamic between the two siblings that continues to this day.
"We're so close now, and I think it is because of those few years," she said. "Me being there with him, I think in the end he liked having me there for the support. And he was sort of fathering me a bit, but I was almost mothering him a bit as well. So I would pull him up on stuff if he was acting a certain way and it sort of worked both ways, which was nice."
Podcast presenter McDermott, 29, has been dating 34-year-old Louis since the start of 2025, following her separation from Made In Chelsea star Sam Thompson.
The former Love Island personality recently shared that she and the singer are happily living together, splitting their time between the United Kingdom and the United States, where Louis' son Freddie lives.
