Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton has asked to watch the video of his self-harm livestream while recovering in a Florida hospital following a mental health crisis.
Hilton, 48, was hospitalized last week under Florida's Baker Act, which allows for the temporary involuntary detention of individuals in mental crisis, after horrified TikTok users watched him repeatedly slash at his body with a knife during a 15-minute broadcast on August 4.
Lying in hospital while recovering from serious physical harm, the blogger has found himself struggling with shame. A source who has known Hilton for nearly 20 years told the Daily Mail: "As I understand it, he is mortified."
Despite his humiliation, Hilton wants to face the viral video directly. "He wants to watch it to see what everybody else saw, but his family knows that would be really bad right now," the insider said, adding that Hilton has not seen the footage because relatives are protecting him. "The family is now protecting him from himself," the insider added. "He doesn't need to see his lowest point of his life, especially not this soon afterwards."
Hilton currently has no access to the internet, his phone, or other electronic devices, but has asked about the video and remains worried about its contents. The source said: "Perez knows what happened at least on some level. He knows something bad happened, he knows he's in physical pain, and he doesn't remember the incident, but he knows that he did it to himself. He knows it was public, and everybody saw it."
The insider noted that Hilton asked what people are saying online. Relatives and friends are keeping negative reactions away from him to aid his recovery. "Right now, everyone is telling him that the world is very supportive of him. We don't want him to see any negative commentary, or what happened," the insider explained. "That would be the worst thing possible. What Perez needs is to feel like there are people in his corner. That will give him the strength to go on."
Public Reaction and Online Response
Online reactions to the incident have been mixed. Some individuals, including America's Next Top Model alum Adrianne Curry, expressed compassion for the father of three despite Hilton allegedly targeting and harassing her for years.
Others have expressed no empathy, citing Hilton's past ruthlessness toward struggling pop stars such as Britney Spears during the early 2000s. Following the death of actor Heath Ledger from an accidental overdose in 2008, Hilton sold custom T-shirts featuring a photograph of the Brokeback Mountain actor alongside the slogan: "Why couldn't it be Britney?" Hilton has since attempted to make amends with Spears.
The source warned that public hostility could jeopardize Hilton's mental state. "If he sees the comments that he brought it on himself, or people who wish him harm, that will do more harm than good with him," the source said. "He really needs support right now."
Childhood Trauma and Bullying
Longtime friend Jorge Perez Jr., author of The Shut The F**k Up Method, told the Daily Mail exclusively that Hilton's past behavior may stem from severe childhood bullying. "It's not about condoning or justifying, but understanding that, a lot of time, we repeat the trauma that we had," Perez Jr. explained.
Perez Jr., who was raised in Miami and shares mutual childhood friends with the blogger, said Hilton faced constant harassment growing up. Hilton, whose real name is Mario Lavandeira, suffered abusive nitpicking from peers because he did not fit in.
Perez Jr. stated: "I think when you talk about those schools that are religious-based, if your social conditioning is just a little off, you get it even harder. He was probably just really flamboyant."
Hilton, who is now openly gay, remained closeted throughout his youth. In a 2010 interview, he revealed that he did not come out until his freshman year of college at New York University. At age 15, he also experienced the death of his father, Mario Lavandeira Sr., who died from a brain aneurysm. In an Instagram post last year, Hilton described his late father as a "sweet, gentle" soul.
To cope with social isolation, Hilton sought refuge in media and entertainment. "He became obsessed with TV shows and pop culture; that's the only place where he found peace because he wasn't getting it on a social level from his peers," Perez Jr. said.
Perez Jr. added that Hilton's aggressive online commentary was an act: "He would always say, 'Hey, I'm just putting on a persona. It's just a character that I put on,' and I don't know if that was his way of doing it so that he could metabolize life a little simpler for himself."
Financial Pressure and Recent Health Struggles
In recent years, Hilton attempted to soften his public image by reducing harsh coverage of celebrities and considering a transition from tabloid gossip to lifestyle content. "He just wasn't sure that his business team was going to go for it, but he did have an inclination that he wanted to broaden his sensibilities," Perez Jr. said. "He opened up about his desire about writing less about gossip. People change. He's getting older. I'm sure he's refining what his interests are, and I think it's a healthy thing to contemplate on changing direction."
However, the gossip industry remained lucrative, and Perez Jr. noted that Hilton felt compelled to prioritize financial security for his children. Earlier this year, Hilton suffered a severe health crisis after taking flu medication on an empty stomach, leading to a month-long hospitalization and near-fatal sepsis.
The ordeal caused a shift in Hilton's outlook. "I think everything really became kind of self-evident for him when he had sepsis a few months ago. He started making these videos and reading the bible, and he started apologizing and saying he was carrying so much guilt," Perez Jr. recalled.
Hilton subsequently moved his family across the country from Las Vegas to his hometown of Miami to raise his children near Latino culture and his mother. Insiders noted he was quietly struggling with mounting medical bills while his multimillion-dollar Las Vegas mansion remained unsold on the market.
Perez Jr. observed that returning to South Florida forced Hilton to confront past trauma: "You're in Miami, you run into Miami people... memories, places. When you grow up somewhere where you get picked on and then you have to come back years later, I'm sure your body remembers."
Police Dispatch and Family Custody
The situation escalated on the evening of August 4 when Hilton repeatedly cut himself with a knife on a TikTok livestream. His three children, Mario, 13, Mia, 11, and Mayte, eight, were inside the residence just minutes prior to the broadcast.
Alarmed viewers notified law enforcement, leading the Miami-Dade Sheriff's Office to respond. Dispatch records logged the call as a "suicide attempt." Hilton was rushed to a nearby hospital, where a statement posted on his website confirmed he suffered "significant blood loss" and required surgery.
Following the incident, Hilton admitted to his mother: "I need help." He also expressed concern for his children. "He did ask if the kids have seen the video, and they have not, and hopefully never will. He is relieved that they have not seen him at his worst," an insider said.
Hilton's 72-year-old mother, Teresita, has filed for temporary custody of Mario, Mia, and Mayte with the voluntary consent of their father, according to court documents. Perez Jr. described Teresita as "an incredible woman" and the family matriarch who "knows what she's doing."
The children have not visited Hilton in person, though he speaks with them over the phone. An insider stated: "Right now, only the adults are seeing him. He is talking on the phone to the kids. He wants to get better, but this is gonna take a long time."
The insider added: "This is not a quick fix. But as it sinks in what he did to himself, there will be a lot of trauma and baggage for him to unpack. Everyone close to him has been warned that he will be very fragile for a long time."
The Daily Mail has contacted Hilton's representative for comment.
If you or someone you know needs help in the US, call or text 988 to reach the confidential 24/7 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. In the UK, call Samaritans on 116 123. In Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.
